The RomancingVenus °

About a Boy

For those who know me and who constantly read my blog, you know that I don't usually post stuff about my very very personal life especially pag dating na sa puso. I guess it's just me. I just don't want to broadcast to the world kung ano nangyayari sakin. Mataas ang pride ko. I do not want to look like a weakling most especially when I know that some of my closest friends read my blog ritually.

Tsk! Dani and his kadramahan. Oops sa red lips at katangusan ng ilong.

Malamang hirap na hirap na siguro ako. It literally breaks my heart when I think of Dani and worst of all I have no one to talk to. I've cried buckets of tears cause of him. I could still remember vividly in my mind the days when I was still in the Philippines, nung mga panahon na malapit na ko umalis, nung mga panahon na despedida ko, when I handed him my gift para sa birthday nya. I also handed Dani a letter before I left reminding him to always stay strong and that I will be with him though not physically. I made him a list of a 100 things that I loved about him para hindi siya masyadong malungkot and so that he'll always be reminded of how much I loved him and how much I appreciated all the stuff he did for me and how much I cherished the times when we were together. We hugged so tight and for so long to last us a couple of years, for the years that I had to be in the states, for the time we had to be apart. We cried like there was no tomorrow. I had to leave on the 28th of March and his birthday was on April 1. It was sad as hell but we couldn't do anything about it. Even before we met alam ko nang I had to leave for the states after ko magcollege. It was just something that's inevitable. Out of the 4 of my siblings, 3 sa kanila also went thru long distance relationships so parang it was just natural for me to be in one as well.

holding on

Ironically at the beginning I was ok. America was so new to me that everything fascinated me and for a while nalimutan ko yung lungkot. At that time I even managed to convince myself that I was happy and that I was about to fulfill the so-called American Dream that my mom aspired for me. But after a few weeks time, the distance started to take its toll and I soon found myself crying to sleep. At dahil sa feeling strong ako lagi, I didn't tell anyone how sad I was, not my ate or kuya and most especially not Dani. All I know was that I missed him terribly. Namimiss ko yung lambing, yung lagi akong may kakampi, yung laging may kakulitan. I would playback in my head things that we used to do together only to find myself wanting to be with him more and wanting more to go back home to the Philippines. I was homesick 70% of the time because of him. But I couldn't do anything kundi maghintay sa ym hoping he'd go online and to check my friendster account for messages from him or my gmail for hopes of an e-mail. The messages were plenty at the start but the numbers soon declined as time passed by. He was busy. He had problems. I made up excuses in my head to justify for his actions. And like the good girlfriend that I was, I waited diligently night and day to the point that it almost reached a month before we had a chance to talk again.

hmm, parang jacket ko yan ah!

One thing that I would always remember about Dani is when he'd get mad when I would say na mas mahal ko siya kesa sa mas mahal niya ko (kinikilig naman ako dun kaya agree naman ako. haha). For him, he just simply loved me more. He wanted to take care of me because I was his baby. I was always happy just as long as we were together and I loved it when he would go out of his way for me. He would go to my dorm (in Malate) when he gets off from work kahit na pa he'd only be able to see me sa tapat ng dorm for 30 minutes because of the curfew. He would wait for me sa National Bookstore (at Rob Place) kahit pa lagi akong late whenever we'd meet up hanggang sa nabasa na niya ang buong series ng Pugad Baboy sa kakaantay. But I never heard na nagreklamo siya, not once. I would always remember how he'd smile and brighten up pag nakita na niya ko kahit na pa 4 hours na siya nagaantay. One of our past time eh magbolahan kung gano kami kaswerte sa isa't isa. And boy was I lucky! Not only was he tall dark and handsome (he's 5'11''), mabait at mahal na mahal pa niya ko. I literally couldn't ask for more.

However, the distance and all the waiting had severed our connection. Sobrang hindi kame naguusap and right now, we're on the rocks, the worst that we have ever been. It sucks big time. And sometimes nararamdaman ko na baliktad na, that I love him more than he loves me. I hate telling him things because I feel that it somehow mentally emasculates him pero minsan pakiramdam ko para na din akong sirang plaka - paulit ulit, nakakasawa at nakakarindi. Albeit, naka ear plugs siya and he just doesn't hear me out.

I want to end things. He wants to give it another try. I know that I've had enough but I love Dani, yun ang problema. Akala ko wala na kong kayang iiyak pa but after we talked sobrang namugto nanaman mata ko that it left me light headed. How we are right now is so heartbreaking most especially when I think about how happy we were nung nasa Pinas pa ko. It makes me wonder if things would be any more different if only I didn't have to leave so soon and if only I had more time to spend with him. But thinking of what-ifs is just a waste of time because we are where we are, we just have to deal with it. I know he feels that I blame everything on him but the truth is I really don't. Alam kong nahihirapan siya and I should know better because I'm on the other end of the rope. Sobrang confused na ko about what to do that I just don't want to think anymore. All the hurt has left me numb to the core. Ipagpapasa-Diyos ko na lang. Siya na ang bahala. I trust Dani when he promised that he'll make it better this time. He just has to make it good. At kahit na sumama ang loob ko ng todo I still admire him because he was humble enough to admit his mistakes and to ask forgiveness for them. I'll leave it to him now to take care of the relationship and to take care of what's left of us...

Labels: about me, dani, love

romancing perfection at 2:40:00 PM

Reading the Stars

Do you read Horoscopes? I do from time to time. Wala lang. Masaya lang siya. I can't entirely say that I believe in them pero yung mga kumakalat sa friendster na if you're a sag you're like this and if you're an aries you're like that and so and so, hmmm... Pisces kasi ako (I'm an Edsa baby) and in fairness tumpak siya sa personality ko.

PISCES - The Addict EXTREMELY adorable. Intelligent. Loves to joke. Very Good sense of humor. Energetic. Predict future. GREAT kisser. Always get what they want. Attractive. Easy going. Loves being in long relationship. Talkative. Romantic. Caring.

Ooops! Sorry sa part that I'm a great kisser! haha! That I cannot confirm. Tanungin na lang mga nakahalikan ko. haha laswa! Pero true yung part that I can predict the future. Well, sorta. May pagka clairvoyant ako. I can sense (minsan) kung sino ang tumatawag and when I get to be called sa mga oral recitation. Weird nga! At higit sa lahat nasesense ko kung niloloko ako ng boyfriend ko. Inaaway ko yung 1st bf ko before just because I can sense that he's cheating on me even if I didn't have solid proof. Wala lang nasense ko lang bigla, which later turned out nga na he really was indeed cheating (huling huli sa cellphone!). Baka I'm just super intuitive. Saksakan din ako ng daldal and sa dorm where I stayed before (for 3 years when I was in college) hindi kami nakakapag aral masyado ng mga roommates ko (special mention again to Cors and Ate Fran) kasi puro kami kwentuhan. haha! Hyper ako, energetic, enthusiastic. Always alive and kicking. My classmates back in HS used to tell me na kapag absent ako ang tahimik daw ng classroom.

Anyway, my horoscope for today reads:

Pisces
February 18 - March 19
People might become a bit argumentative when it comes to romantic issues today, dear Pisces. Your instincts might be calling for you to restrain yourself and hold back while the prevailing winds of the day are urging you to strike out onto new ground. Realize that your heart may need a bit of freedom and detachment. Your sensitive nature may be causing you to read too much into the issues at hand.

What the hell does that mean? Sinyales na ba ito mula sa maykapal? It's f*ckin messing up my head again. Yun na!

--

Horoscope provided by Astrocenter c/o MyMSN.

Labels: about me, horoscope

romancing perfection at 1:03:00 AM

3 Things

Thanks Tami for the Tag. Eto ang aking 3 Things:

Three Things That Scare Me

1. Darkness and mumu.
2. Ipis especially pag lumilipad.
3. Chucky of Child's Play and Freddy Kreuger of Nightmare on Elm Street. Ang mga dahilan kung bakit nagpapasama ako umihi nung bata pa ko. *lol

Three People Who Make Me Laugh

1. family
2. Barx
3. roomies and superfriends: special mention to Cors and Ate Fran. Yiheee!

Three Things I Love

1. ice cream!
2. feel good songs and movies
3. kissing in the rain and stuff that leads to something else thereafter.

Three Things I Hate

1. Social climbers!
2. Mga buwaya sa gobyerno
3. Okra

Three Things I Don't Understand

1. Why a lot people think being emo/rakista/rasta is synonmymous to being cool.
2. How Filipinos discriminate one another and idolize the foreign, hence colonial mentality dagdag mo pa ang crab mentality.
3. Why Starbucks is an "in thing" considering na one tall/venti is equivalent to a day's allowance and how people claim to get to study better sa loob ng starbucks when it's crowded and noisy.

Three Things On My Desk

1. My fone
2. Glass of H2O.
3. Bank of America notepad.

Three Things I Am Doing Right Now

1. Sitting
2. Waiting
3. Wishing

Three Things I Want To Do Before I Die

1. Mag ganja ng 1 kilo (OA) sabay food trip ng ice cream.
2. Magpatattoo ng white tiger with green eyes sa bandang hips.
3. Have plenty of sex.

Three Things I Can Do

1. Magtule.
2. Magpaanak.
3. Magocho ocho.

Three Things I Can't Do

1. Tumbling sabay split.
2. Lick my elbow.
3. Speak Chinese.

Three Things I Think You Should Listen To

1. Pop Rock: The All-American Rejects, October Fall, Cute is What We Aim For, Powerspace, Paramore
2. Brit Rock: The Cinematics, Franz Ferdinand, Muse, Artic Monkeys, Keane, The Feeling, Snow Patrol, Kasabian, Radiohead, Editors, Aqualung, Razorlight
3. Emo: Funeral For a Friend, Dashboard Confessional, Fall Out Boy, Panic! At the Disco, My Chemical Romance, 30 Seconds to Mars, Taking Back Sunday, Hawthorne Heights, Senses Fail, The Starting Line, Death Cab for Cutie, Yellow Card, Boys Like Girls, Hellogoodbye, Saosin, Plain White T's, Angels and Airwaves

Three Things You Should Never Listen To

1. Emo (with all the shouting): Alexisonfire
2. Metal: Slapshock
3. Your mom nagging.

Three Things I Would Like To Learn

1. 3 more languages, namely: Spanish, Japanese and French.
2. Breaking (as in hiphop).
3. More web related stuff.

Three Favorite Foods

1. Pad Thai
2. Spicy Salmon Sushi
3. Almond Praline flavored ice cream.

Three Shows I Watched As A Kid

1. Bioman/Maskman/Masked Rider Black/Shaider (you name it)
2. Transformers/Voltron/Voltes V/Daimos
3. Dats Entertainment

Labels: about me, tag

romancing perfection at 1:35:00 AM

The Hate

Thanks Cors for tagging me. So eto na ang kasagutan sa mga mahihiwagang katanungan:

1. Food you hate --> Okra! Why did God make such a slimy vegetable?

2. Fruits that you hate --> Dragonfruit. Weird at walang lasa.

3. Veggies that you hate --> Okra yun lang halos lahat naman kinakain ko.

4. Celebrities or people that you hate --> Binay! Abalos ! mga arroganteng tuta! saka si yasmien kurdi kasi feeling vegan activist ng peta eh to think na she just went vegan para pumayat tapos f na f nya ang animal cruelty. asus!

5. Event/Incident/Situation that you hate --> failures. saka being put in the middle.

6. TV Shows or Movies that you hate --> Asian Treasures at Impostora. Corny eh.

7. Type of Music that you hate --> Yung maingay. Hard core rock.

8. Household chore that you hate --> Plantsa and cleaning the bathroom. haha!

9. Things you hate about the world --> trapo and social climbers! colonial mentality and crab mentality.

10. Things that you hate about yourself --> na sobrang procrastinator ko.

Anyone who reads this can tag him/herself. Go ahead. Make my day.

Labels: about me, tag

romancing perfection at 9:14:00 AM

Something Something

I got tagged by Quincy! So in response here's 7 random somethings about me that most people don't know:

1. (The Classic Story behind my name) Ang buong ngalan ko ay Maria Corazon Victoria Chua de Guia. Ang haba noh? Anyway Edsa baby ako. Literally my mom was giving birth to me while my dad was out in the street rallying. So yun na nga...Maria for the shrine of Mary sa may Edsa, Corazon because of Cory Aquino and Victoria para manalo, for victory...In other words: pinaglaruan pangalan ko.

2. Nakasali na ko ng rap contest when I was in HS. I've also done singing contests pero laging 2nd or 3rd place, never champion.

3. I taught myself how to ride a bike. I learned how to when I was 14, stopped riding when I was 15 kasi nabunggo ako sa kotse. It was parked.

4. I'm 110% Pinoy in heart and spirit though I'm part Chinese, Spanish and Irish.

5. Inaasar akong Vincent, Hiei from Ghostfighter (Yuyu Hakusho), nung bata ako because I have a scar sa gitna ng forehead ko, parang 3rd eye.

6. I watch Ysabella because I think Judai and Ryan look good together.

7. and lastly, I dream to fly a kite in Luneta the next time I come home to the Philippines...

--

In turn I'd like to tag Cors, Eden, Kc, Zack, Fionixe, Tami, and Ayel. As part of the rule, each person I tagged has to tag another seven. Keep on blogging!

Labels: about me, tag

romancing perfection at 6:33:00 PM